Pete’s chronology

it’s 1am, i’m tired, fed up. bad memories keep on coming up in my mind. nostalgic feeling after seeing newcomers here.

thinking back the old times we used to be together……

when she leaves, my colors fade to gray……

now all my colors slowly fade away……

now everything is different, everything is gone……

now alone……

i can’t remember the first time i met you.

it seems as though you have
always been present, with a huge breathtaking hug and a smile that just
knocks all doubts away.

how can my world begin to spell the loss of
you?

i just saw you. and you are there, speaking,
your voice sounding just like how it always is, strong, questioning,
challenging, always with a hint of a laugh underneath.

i cannot
remember the sound of your laughter, and that really hurts me.

It’s like we’re dead

In a city so dead 

Held up so high

Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?

You were all the things I thought I knew
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending

I know what they say
They tell you I’m difficult
But so are they
But they don’t know me
Do they even know you?


It’s nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared

Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep,
standing on the edge of
something much too deep,
funny how you feel so much but can not say a
word,
we are screaming inside but can’t be heard.

there was once i didn’t appreciate ones love in front of me, i only started to regret when it disappear, it was then the most excruciating experience in life. if i was allowed to rewind back time, i will tell her, i love u… if it is necessary to have a time limit for this love, i wish is 「forever」…

sometimes i feel i’ve got to run away…
i’ve got to get away from the pain that you drive into the
heart of me…

yea yea i know its new year… year 2008… alot of people will be saying new year resolution, new year plans, new year wishes to others, things like that. tracking back my stay here in russia, i already been here for more than 2 years. things come and go, friendship fade and stay… things and people here change from time to time. some of my friends already gone back home while some turn away from me, but in the same time made some new friends too…
even though i have my friends here to be with me, yet i still miss my family, i miss them from time to time… i can’t be with them during new year because i’m staying far away from them. all i can do is to call them, wishing them happy new year through phone, listening to their voices and knowing that everything is still okay makes me feel better here. all i can do now is to hope they’ll be fine and happy throughout the whole year until i’m back and be with them again…

happy new year

dunno why, i just got an urge to blog today. it’s been a while since i blogged.

woke up late today… dunno why, or maybe i woke up from the wrong side of the bed. somehow… i got a strong emotional feeling all of a sudden, a sad, sorrowful and disappointed feeling emerging from my heart. i just realized i dreamed about her yesterday night, i knew our relationship is not going to happen since she declined me when i told my feelings to her… or maybe somehow or somewhere deep in my heart i still got feelings for her. i tried to erase or forget that feeling, but still… my emotional feelings still resides in my heart. right now seeing her everyday is enough for me, praying for her happiness and hope she’ll be always happy.

i was stunned on my bed, thinking her again and again, i focused and get myself ready for a new day. i got down from my bed, washed my face and had a simple breakfast. surfed the net for a moment and watched my recent downloaded movies from the net. but still… something not right in my heart, something empty in it. an empty feeling, feeling hopeless, no direction, lifeless…

i closed my computer screen although in the middle of the movie, i tried turn myself to do other stuff and try forget about it, tried read some books but it didn’t work at all…

just as i was going to put my book back to it’s place my phone rang. it was my sister, she messaged me, she said tried to contact me. we didn’t chat for quite some time since her enrollment on her new college… we chatted, from that moment i got myself back together. realizing that i still got my caring family, i shouldn’t make them worry too much. maybe i got part from them too long until i forgot my purpose in life, lost of direction…

somehow, it just wasn’t my day after all that strange feeling emerging in and out from my heart…

that’s all for now, feeling tire now. going to sleep. good night.